Not Up To Current Standards
I have spent most of my life with my thoughts twisted. My perceptions have been off and because of this I have learned not to trust what I am thinking.
In my maturing with this illness I have learned to adapt. I asks those around my that I trust if what I am feeling is right, and also watch them to see if what I am feeling is applicable to the situation. This has taken a very long time to happen, and I have a ways to go.
Up to this point my feelings were so messed up and people kept telling me what I was feeling was wrong, so I began to doubt my thoughts and my feelings. And really, though my feelings were and still sometimes are inappropriate, they are still feelings that I am having. They needed to be acknowledged and dealt with. I would have my parents and teachers telling that I wasn't sad, or didn't have any reason to be sad. I shouldn't be angry and that person wasn't being mean to me. This may have been true, but I needed assistance in developing the skills to see the difference between my illnesses perception and what a normal perception should be.
Into adulthood, I struggle with asserting myself effectively because I doubt my decisions and then my thoughts get messed up. Thankfully now I have a husband that I run my thoughts through with and he lets me know if they are appropriate. I have people I trust at work that I get to read my emails and bosses that role play situations with me to help me through.
I see my friends that are ill struggle with this. They have difficulty standing up for themselves when it comes to their health and their life because they too are doubting who they are and their decision making process.
I am lucky to have found a fantastic family doctor that believes me when I tell him what I am feeling. He believes in the truth that your mind get sick too. I have several friends that are all struggling in getting their doctors to understand and help them cope with who they are.
There is no shame in being mentally ill.
I am angry because currently I have two friends that are being proactive in getting their mental health under control and they are being let down by their doctors. One of my friends needs to go for her own Sleepover. She needs to go in as an inpatient and take the time to get leveled out. She is going up and down multiple times in an hour. She is either crying or laughing hysterically. For some reason her doctor is not open to this and because she has been doubting herself for so long that she just trusts her doctor.
Another friend I have seen struggle for a few years. He had thought it was hidden from us but we could see. He is deeply creative and intelligent. He goes through periods of hyper-involvement, like writing several songs at one time or blogging constantly, to completely separating himself from everything. He talks of giving up his music and stops talking to his friends. He has taking the steps to go and see someone because he has decided that he needs some assistance.
His doctor told him he has allergies.
Because my friend is unsure of what is going on with himself he is trusting this. Maybe he does have allergies. (I really don't think so but...Here I go doubting myself.)
There are going to be people who doubt the significance of our disease, even doctors. For some reason even doctors believe being mentally ill is shameful and will do anything to avoid a diagnosis.
Well its not.
It is like they think you are going to marked for life if you are treated for the crazies. It is like the episode of the Simpsons when Homer wears the pink shirt to work and ends up with INSANE stamped on him.
I have been through the psychward and the worst thing that is happened to me is I cannot carry a gun and cannot join the police force.
Well I have already been in the police force and it wasn't so great. What do I need a gun for?
We need to start trusting our feelings and demanding help. As we get better then we will trust the rest of our thoughts.
Soon, we will get the SANE stamp on our hand and wearing all white shirts again.
In my maturing with this illness I have learned to adapt. I asks those around my that I trust if what I am feeling is right, and also watch them to see if what I am feeling is applicable to the situation. This has taken a very long time to happen, and I have a ways to go.
Up to this point my feelings were so messed up and people kept telling me what I was feeling was wrong, so I began to doubt my thoughts and my feelings. And really, though my feelings were and still sometimes are inappropriate, they are still feelings that I am having. They needed to be acknowledged and dealt with. I would have my parents and teachers telling that I wasn't sad, or didn't have any reason to be sad. I shouldn't be angry and that person wasn't being mean to me. This may have been true, but I needed assistance in developing the skills to see the difference between my illnesses perception and what a normal perception should be.
Into adulthood, I struggle with asserting myself effectively because I doubt my decisions and then my thoughts get messed up. Thankfully now I have a husband that I run my thoughts through with and he lets me know if they are appropriate. I have people I trust at work that I get to read my emails and bosses that role play situations with me to help me through.
I see my friends that are ill struggle with this. They have difficulty standing up for themselves when it comes to their health and their life because they too are doubting who they are and their decision making process.
I am lucky to have found a fantastic family doctor that believes me when I tell him what I am feeling. He believes in the truth that your mind get sick too. I have several friends that are all struggling in getting their doctors to understand and help them cope with who they are.
There is no shame in being mentally ill.
I am angry because currently I have two friends that are being proactive in getting their mental health under control and they are being let down by their doctors. One of my friends needs to go for her own Sleepover. She needs to go in as an inpatient and take the time to get leveled out. She is going up and down multiple times in an hour. She is either crying or laughing hysterically. For some reason her doctor is not open to this and because she has been doubting herself for so long that she just trusts her doctor.
Another friend I have seen struggle for a few years. He had thought it was hidden from us but we could see. He is deeply creative and intelligent. He goes through periods of hyper-involvement, like writing several songs at one time or blogging constantly, to completely separating himself from everything. He talks of giving up his music and stops talking to his friends. He has taking the steps to go and see someone because he has decided that he needs some assistance.
His doctor told him he has allergies.
Because my friend is unsure of what is going on with himself he is trusting this. Maybe he does have allergies. (I really don't think so but...Here I go doubting myself.)
There are going to be people who doubt the significance of our disease, even doctors. For some reason even doctors believe being mentally ill is shameful and will do anything to avoid a diagnosis.
Well its not.
It is like they think you are going to marked for life if you are treated for the crazies. It is like the episode of the Simpsons when Homer wears the pink shirt to work and ends up with INSANE stamped on him.
I have been through the psychward and the worst thing that is happened to me is I cannot carry a gun and cannot join the police force.
Well I have already been in the police force and it wasn't so great. What do I need a gun for?
We need to start trusting our feelings and demanding help. As we get better then we will trust the rest of our thoughts.
Soon, we will get the SANE stamp on our hand and wearing all white shirts again.
posted by TIffany at 2:51 PM
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